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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Authenticity

I really miss doing the Pursing Love posts so while Marsha in on blog break the Lord has been showing me a few things: Please understand this is not a poor me post this is just what I have recognized over the past couple of weeks through the Grace of God and the prayers and concern of friends!


In Ecclesiastes 3 you find


There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace

Last week, On two different days, I had a surprise visit from two of my closest friends. I was so happy to see each one and yet I could tell something was heavy on their heart.

The message from both to me was this "what have I done? you don't call ~ you don't respond Have I done something to you Loren?

I had no excuses whatsoever....I have shared with you all here in the past how I had pulled away from many things and that I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt anyone but I just was going through the grief of losing Daddy. As I sat with her there, listening & sharing I was able to share what the Lord had shown me..... One day I was having a hard time and the Lord showed me that I wasn't just dealing with the death of my Dad but also the death of many other situations in my life. Church, ministry, friendships and in some ways my relationship with HIM. As I told her these things she immediately looked at me and said she felt this had been a" Supernatural release" and began praying over me. I had such a release and the Lord met me in that very moment. After she left I knew I had to go deeper with the Lord in regards to these things we had discussed. It was a powerful time with HIM to say the least but little did I know that two days later I would have yet another friend knock on my door unexpectedly.

As my friend began to share, I heard the same words again....what is wrong? Have I done something? Because I had this awareness and had the time with the Lord I was able to be very honest and clear that my friend had done no wrong and that I was responsible for the disconnection. Repentant to say the very least. It became more and more clear that while I was grieving I also had allowed the enemy to keep me from those who love me and wanted to help me during this difficult time.

The most difficult thing I had to realize was that while my friends felt disconnected and pushed away, they weren't the only ones I had pushed away. I had even put the Lord aside to a degree. It still hurts to even type those words. I was so hurt by losing my Dad and not being allowed the time with him while on this earth to know his heart towards me and many other things I don't need to go into here but suffice to say ~ sooooo many things got in the way and consumed me and my emotions.

When my friend prayed over me and then I had that time with the Lord after HE made soooo many things clear to me but mostly HE showed me how HE had put so many things in my path to help me along the way. Those things I didn't recognize because I was too lost in the grief that later turned to anger and withdrawing from so much.

As the days have gone on I have been able to speak to other friends and share my apologies with them and with each one I feel yet another burden being lifted. The Lord has been by my side each day leading and guiding me and I am able to see HIS hand on each day. I don't have all the answers but praise HIM for the relationships that are being restored. I don't know which church we will be attending but HE does. I don't know if our ministry will be with kids or if we will go another direction but HE does. I am LEARNING to be ok with that, taking one day at a time

For now, I am just grateful to know that the time to grieve season is a little lighter and at least I am not withdrawn from those I love and most importantly from my Heavenly Father! Thank you Lord for loving me too much to leave me stagnant in my grief!



15 comments:

Tamara

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

RCUBEs

There is no proper way to grieve...But I know the healing will come only in His perfect time. Now, we know, He surely doesn't let go!!! We all go through many, many seasons. And I know that in each one, He is teaching us His ways. May we be able to discern that [like what you did through your friends]. That is an awesome thing to happen! Hurtful at times, but we emerge more pure. Blessings to you dear friend and praying God's guidance and protection to cover you. Love you in Christ.

christy rose

Loren, I have been so preoccupied with so many things going on in my life right now. I have taken very little time to post or get around and visit my wonderful blogging friends recently. I have missed stopping by and visiting with you. I am trying to catch up today and get some other posts up other than pictures this coming up week.

I loved how honest and sweet your heart is revealed in this post. I can completely understand how withdrawing would be protecting your heart from deeper grief. I am glad that your friends loved you enough to seek you out and love on you. Those kind of friends are few and far between. You are very blessed. I am praying for you that God continues to bring healing to your heart and helps you to see His loving arms around you as you continue to come out of this season in your life and enter into the new pathways that He has prepared for you.
Love,
Christy

Andrea

My dear sweet one...I continue to storm the heavens on your behalf. You are a precious one and I pray GOD will continue to comfort you and pour out HIS peace and love to you and through you.
HUGS, andrea

glenda09

Your post was very touching. I have been there too and by the Grace of God He brought me back to Him. You will continue to be in my prayers:)

Gregg

How precious is His grace and His faithfulness to each and everyday. It is hard to be transparent but thanks. My prayers are with you.

Sandy

oh, Loren, my heart goes out to you. I am praying for you!

Steph T.

Thanks for being authentic...this spoke deep into my heart.
loveya

Sassy Granny ...

So many "letting go"s in life; and they are often followed by periods of grief. Thank God for dear people that come to pray, and for the healing balm of time & grace.

Blessings,
Kathleen

Beth E.

This is beautiful, Loren. I know that God is using every person and situation in your life to help you through the grief, bringing healing in your life.

This may be hard to believe, but I am a very private person. I enjoy being by myself or with my family much more than being in group situations.

I have many friends and love them dearly - enjoy being with them - but I tend to pull away and isolate myself when I'm going through a difficult time.

You speak great wisdom, and have blessed me with this post!

Hugs,
Beth

Barbie

How I love our Heavenly Father. He is so good to send us the right people at just the right time. He new that you needed your friends to come to you so that He could show you His heart in this matter. It is hard when we are grieving to allow others in. It is so personal, but I do know that our friendship deserve a place in our grieving, if even a small part. I continue to pray for your heart to be comforted. He is so good and loves us so much!

Denise

I love you so much sweetie, and my heart hurts for you. It has been four years ago today that my precious momma went to heaven. I miss her dearly. I understand your hurting heart, and pray for God to continue to ease your grief.

Girly Muse

You are so precious. I can't believe how much you bless me when you're in the thick of it yourself...

I'm so thankful your season of grieving is shifting a little...praying it will continue and that God will give you the answers you need in every area.

Love you, Loren!

A Busy Single Mom

Loss is so difficult. I'm glad you're seeing improvement and the hand of the Lord in your situation. I'm praying for you.

Darcie

I don't think I have words to add that haven't already been added. I have not experienced real deep grief...yet. I have lost Grandparents...which hurt and tears were shed, but yet they were at a time in life where it was a blessing for the most part. Which always helps those that are left behind to an extent. However for you I know(just from reading this post), how hard the death of your dad was for you. I know God allows us to go through different experiences to allow us to draw closer to Him, but I don't think you should feel guilty for grieving, and for grieving the way YOU need to. Sometimes in that process..we might draw away from others...cause we need that time. Time to grieve...time to heal. The wonderful thing is maybe now you are ready to reach out to others. I wish I could just give you a big old hug!! Love you my dear!

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