Thankyou all for coming in agreement with me for healing in my Dads body by the Great Physician, who still performs miracle day after day!
A note from my dad...Doug
The Blame Game
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Today at 7:53pm
It looks like Friday night provides me time to reflect on my week and to add my comments to my blog. It’s Friday, so here I am again.
This week didn’t appear to start very well – or maybe it did. It’s all a matter of perception and perception is everything.
Here’s what happened:
On Monday, I had my first consultation with my oncologist and it went very well. She explained where we were and described the radiation and chemotherapy treatment plans. She planned for both to start late this week. Prior to starting the radiation and chemotherapy treatments, she wanted to run a brain scan. As she explained it, the brain scan was standard operating procedure. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perception), the brain scan revealed three small cancerous growths in my brain. That bit of news changed the whole treatment plan and the scope of my disease.
I was upset when I heard the news. I told Barbie that I wished we could catch a break – it seemed like every time we thought we were going to make progress we had a setback. Just when we thought we were finally going to begin to treat the problem, we were dealing with another issue.
After I had a chance to think about the news, I was grateful that the doctor ordered the brain scan and that they found the three spots. If they hadn’t discovered them when they did, things would have deteriorated rapidly. As it is, the three spots are very small and I am hopeful that the forthcoming radiation treatments will deal with them quickly.
So, top priority in my new treatment plan is using radiation to kill the growths in my brain. I had my first radiation treatment on my brain yesterday and the second today. The radiologist scheduled two weeks of treatments to kill the three growths. I will go Monday through Friday and be off on the weekends. Then I have to wait another week or two weeks before they will begin treating the growth in my chest. I am very concerned about waiting four more weeks before treating my chest because my cough is getting worse and I’m not sure how I can make it that long.
As I said, my perception about the discovery of the small growths in my brain changed. At first, I was unhappy that they found them. It was disturbing because it meant the cancer had spread; that the cancer was in my blood stream and could spread anywhere; and, that the stage changed from IIIA to IV. None of this was good news. Then, I finally realized what would have happened if they hadn’t found the new growths. If they hadn’t found them, within a couple of months the growths would have taken over my brain and the results would have been fatal. Given that alternative, finding the growths was the best thing that could have happened.
I spent some time this week thinking about what caused this or more to the point, was there anyone to blame for this. I have to tell you that I know this was a big waste of time. Truth is, it doesn’t matter who or what caused it – it just is and that’s that.
But, play along for a minute. In the past, when I played the “Blame Game”, I almost immediately went directly to four targets: My parents, those around me (i.e., family, friends, etc.), God, and me.
In the past, I blamed my parents for a lot of things. In their defense, they did the best they could. “Did the best they could” isn’t meant to be critical. As a parent, I was very much like them; but today I know I could have been different and, as a result, I know they could have been different too. Looking back, I think they were too rough on my brother and me, but I really believe they had our best interests at heart. To their credit, they instilled in us a sense of honesty and fairness, a strong work ethic, compassion, persistence and many other fine qualities.
My mother is the only one of my parents still living and there is no way she can be blamed for this.
Same thing for my family and friends! None of them caused this or have given it to me. Besides, when I see everyone who is praying for me and all of the support I am receiving, I cannot find one person to blame.
Of course, I can blame me. I’ve done that enough with other things – but the truth is that I did a lot of things to avoid this disease. I stopped drinking 31 ½ years ago and I stopped smoking 31 years ago. I lived a pretty clean life and wasn’t around asbestos or chemicals – two of the three things the doctors point out are causes for lung cancer. So, honestly, I have trouble hanging this one on me too.
Personally, I think God gets a bad rap for a lot of things and doesn’t deserve it. In fact, yesterday, I heard a man on television discuss his father’s murder. He wondered what God was trying to teach him, his family, and friends. He was willing to wait and see what the lessons are. I simply don’t believe that is the way God works. I cannot accept that God had the father murdered to teach his son or anyone anything. I believe that a man caused the murder and God gets to help clean up the mess. God will help the son and family find peace; He will work with the community to repair the pain and fix the hurt; and He will do numerous other Loving Acts – many that will not be noticed.
Using my own situation, I don’t think God gave me this disease to punish me or to teach me a lesson. I have already learned a lot from having this disease and I’m sure I will learn more, but I don’t believe God gave me this cancer for that reason – in fact, I don’t believe God gave me this at all.
I believe that God will help my family, friends, and me through this. He will provide the Strength, Hope, and Love we all need. I do not know the outcome of this, but I strongly believe that God is working for the best outcome for all. I believe God wants me to be healthy and whole.
You want to know what I really believe. I believe no one is to blame for this. I believe this cancer grew on its own and it is in my chest and has spread to my brain. I would love to be rid of it but I cannot blame God, my mother, my family, my friends, or myself for this. The cancer started because it found a place to grow and so far it likes where it’s at. I wish it didn’t like me so much, but so far it’s been pretty happy – at least happy enough to branch out. I’m really hoping all of the prayers and the upcoming treatments show it that I’m not a willing host and it decides to move on. I don’t need it or want it anymore. Let it go somewhere else.
