Saturday, February 13, 2010

Giving advice

Thank you Charlotte and Ginger for hosting ~ please go visit others here

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Mathew 7:2

As I sat in bible study this week I was taken aback at how some people explain and/or Judge others for their actions. And might I add here that MY key word here is ACTIONS...... Let me explain.

We have discussion time in our small groups (about 10-12 women) before we view the video to go over the weeks prior homework. I do not attend this church nor do I know anyone really to speak of and I love going because I love to study the Word and meet new people. Honestly ~ THIS IS COMPLETELY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE but I truly feel the Lord has led me here and I am sooo blessed. It is a very large group of women ~( 200+) and we are all placed in small groups according to how they feel they are led to put them together. This year I happen to be in a group of women who are very mature in the Lord and it also happens that more than half of them have all served alongside their husbands as pastors or in some form of clergy in the church (for 20+ yrs). So I must admit that I probably expect a bit more out of these women in Wisdom, Understanding as well as compassion for the people and definately in Knowledge.

So with all that said we have a woman in bible study who is from another nationality and a brand new Christian. To hear her explain her Salvation and relationship will bring you to tears! It is simply beautiful. Needless to say, she hangs on every word of what is said in Bible study and one of the eldest woman was explaining sin and its consequences to all of us in the group. Here is her explanation in part.

"This is what I tell young people when explaining consequences ~ If you sleep with someone out of wedlock then you must know that that child is your consequence."

Ok, I have to speak up hear as I did in the group of women.

"UMM, Excuse me~ I have to address this because I am not a consequence. I've never been a consequence. I do not agree with nor do I condone premarital sex. My parents slept together before they were married yes, they made the decision SO THAT they could be married and knew this was the only way they would be allowed to be married at their young age. (18) Can you say Young Love?
I also know of a young girl in my daughters school who has made this decision to sleep with someone before being married and is now a young single mom. My daughter said to me "MOM, this is so sad, she could have gotten a scholarship to anywhere she wanted but that baby screwed everything up for her!" I promptly responded and said "NO, honey that baby didn't screw her life up ~ having sex before she was married did." My daughter looked at me with her mouth ready to say something and just said "OH, you are right."

You see, it was the act that was wrong ~ NOT the child. When I was 13 my mother told me the truth of their decision to sleep with one another before being married. She shared that with me wanting me to know how much they loved one another even though at this age in my life they had divorced. I did not receive this news in this light. I felt horrible and was sad. It took me a while to see this in a different light. I also struggled with it until the Lord showed me

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well
Psalm 139:13-14

along with

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
Jeremiah 1:5


I ask of you to search your hearts and to those who are Christians .....Please watch how you share your OPINIONS, your JUDGEMENTS or your ADVICE. My parents lived with many consequences for their action. The action was the ACT itself. The consequences were too many to list and I am sure if you sat down with the numerous Single parents out there and the young teen mothers who are living with their young babies. They would tell you their baby is NOT a consequence but living daily and having your life change, your future change ~ because of your choice to have premarital sex will have numerous consequences and life proves to be very difficult. But I also know that even though that choice is made many also choose to seek forgiveness....they repent and turn away from those ways and live a life worthy of Christ. They lead their children to know and love the Lord and teach them of their wrong choices.

I share this to encourage myself and others NOT to JUDGE because sometimes even a well meaning word of advice can bring condemnation instead of bringing life. It is not up to us to judge peoples choices but to love them in spite of them.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
John 8:6-8




Well stated sister Loren. Honestly, I haven't been going to our fellowship because of my work. It was a struggle for me when the Lord did answer my DH and I's prayer to work part-time. It meant working on the weekends.

We went to a home fellowship when we were new at this church and just was so saddened by the prayer of one of the women, thanking the Lord for bringing "nice people" to the church. I had felt something was wrong right away with that prayer though I was a baby in the faith. When I got home, I sought the Lord and I prayed that may we grow to be more like Him, to accept anyone who comes to the church, not just "nice people"...That had gotten stuck in my mind because it served as a reminder for me to not easily say anything. Because we might not mean any harm but it might be hurtful to others.
I know I need the fellowship with others in order for me to grow and as the Lord wanted, but He also brought me to this ministry [my work]. I pray that I am pleasing Him as I seek Him first.

May people be careful to say "this is what the Lord told me" or "this is what the Lord willed" and truly seek Him first if that's what He really is trying to convey through us. Like what you said, it's better to just be quiet at times.

Thank you for your honesty. God bless and may He continue to give us discernment and protect us.


God Bless you for for putting into words what I have felt. I too attended a all womens Bible Study and have had harsh judgement put upon me. I went to that Bible Study to attend a Beth Moore Study not to have women I do not even know passing their opinions onto me. Some "christians" can be very hurtful in their words. Am glad to have someone else that is able to voice this situation. God Bless You! Karyl

Girly Muse

This is powerful, my friend! I'm so proud of you for stating the truth in love. I'm thankful you were there~ you helped more people than you even realize, I'm sure of that.

Love you! You, Godly, lovely woman, you!!!

Whidbey Woman

You are very brave to speak up, and your bible study group should be a safe forum to do so.
Know you are loved, especially by God. Happy Valentine's Day!

Sassy Granny ...

I've lived long enough to know some of the most hurtful words are formed in the heart of believers. I say "heart" because that's where the scriptures tell us our thoughts & words, and ultimately our actions, form -- out of the overflow of our hearts (Matt 12:34).

This is a great reminder to all of us. Besides, it's the gentle & quiet spirit of the woman that garners the Lord's favor.


P.S. You are one wise lady to "own" your heritage. It's rich & worthy; and, as my pastor is often heard to say: "There's no such thing as an illegitimate child." Not in God's eyes!


AMEN. I am in tears. This touches me deeply.

I am not a consequence and neither is my granddaughter. Heaven help the person who has the guts to call my precious Savannah a consequence to my face. I am NOT sure I will be as graceful and dignified as you were with these ladies.

Now you know one reason I am BIG on not judging other people or their actions. We rarely know enough to make a godly judgment. I do NOT condone sin, but I also do NOT judge someone who has made a mistake. I prefer to LOVE THEM TO THE LORD!

Much love, hugs, and prayers,


Amen, well said my friend.


See I always told you that you are a "life coach". You powerhouse, you!


get it girl.


WOW Loren, this was soo good. And as a young un-wed mother at one point in my life, this is a subject I am VERY passionate on and VERY opininated about. NEVER would I describe my son as a "consequence"...He was the blessing. I was young, vunerable, and oh sooo mis-lead and lied to. And the consequences were many. Both for me and unfornately for my son. To this very day (and he is 37) there are STILL consequences that we both deal with. It is just one of those truths you can't get away from. There is ALWAYS consequences to sin. And sometimes when you were as young as I was (17) you just don't understand the reality of decisions and choices you make having the power to affect the ENTIRE rest of your life. But they do. call the child the consequence, is just downright wrong. Joe blesses my life more than I could ever describe. And the things he has accomplished and done with his life could never be discribed as a consequence. Good for you for speaking up and saying what you did. I just think some women speak before really realizing what it is they are really saying, or knowing what "consequences" they might be causing. I honestly could never tell you how much GOOD ended up coming from that difficult situation I found myself in. God used it in a profound way really. Thank goodness I never found myself judged by Him, but only loved. Thank you for posting all this. I ended up getting saved shortly after he was born which changed my life completely. I could write another REALLY long comment about things I have unfornately come across in women's Bible study groups over the years. And some of them VERY MATURE Christians. SIGH...there just always seems to be the self righteous judgemental types. But I have found over the years as well, some of those very self righteous types, are really insecure and weak and missing the point of what as Christians we are really called to do which is of course LOVE ONE ANOTHER...OK, sorry if I got a little carried away, like I said, this is a passionate subject for me. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day Loren...Hugs, Debbie

LeAnn * ~ See Great Things

Well said! i am so glad I stopped by here today.


Thanks for sharing your heart felt feelings. I'm going to hold my comments on this because there is so much to consider here. I feel that almost any comment even no comment could be misunderstood. Have a great Lord's Day and Valentine's Day. You are a blessing!


I think maybe it is how you define consequence. It is a little bit like people who say they were an accident because their mother didn't intend to get pregnant. I think I may fall into that category because my mom said my dad didn't really want children. So they had not really planned for me but I think it was God's plan. My Dad was always devoted to me and I never doubted his love for me for a moment. After I was born he was glad I was here. If you are a consequence and I am an accident, I am totally happy we are both here. I hope you are having a wonderful Valentine's Day.
Hugs & blessings,


We should try to forgive and love rather than judge, so I do agree with you there. Happy Valentine's Day.

christy rose

Wow Loren this was powerful and so right on!

I have mixed feelings on the lets split up and share part of Bible study. I know and see the benefits but I also know and see how it can do harm as well when someone who is not well learned in the Truth and led by the Spirit of God in their heart and tongue can mislead others with their own wisdom. I have had to ask God to help me with this leading in my own Bible studies myself. I think you are right though. God has you right where you are right now for a season and a reason. :)
Hope you have the best Valentine's Day ever!


Loren, Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm sorry that I haven't gotten to comment sooner. Thank you for your comment to me. I thought I was already following you. . .I am, now.
Happy Valentine's Day!


I have dealt will this in my life , or should I say my child's life . God has his best for someone , they sin , they don't get God's best. If they repent & ask forgiveness for their sin , they get his redeemed best, People decide when to make love ,God decides when to make Life . The child is a miracle like all children are , two people's disobedience to God in no way reflects on the child .We all sin , no sin is greater than another . Jesus forgives sins . We are all for given if we are his .We need to demonstrate Christian love one to another and not condemn what Christ has redeemed .


Wow Loren, there is a lot to digest in this post. I'm afraid I could right a book in your comments section and it's way too late for that. :)

Kudos to you for not sitting by in complacency.

Definition of consequence: the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier.

You are a beautiful creation of the Most High God. Much love to you!


WOW! To be able to speak up like that is powerful.
God Bless,

{Simply} Heather

I've attended large groups of women in the church, MOPS for one...even Coordinated the entire group of mothers. I've witnessed conversations between those who hold higher positions within the church and often find that "between friends", they choose to share judgments and opinions rather easily.

I've had my moments of speaking out and times where I felt I should bite my tongue. I have always felt that children are a gift - regardless of how they came to be.

So many tend to think that being a Christian allows them to judge how another lives, acts, thinks, serves, etc. Being a Christian is loving our Lord, following His Sweet Spirit and allowing Him to flow through us.

I could add so much but you really shared it well, Loren.

In those times when someone has said something that seems haunting in my mind, I just keep asking The Lord to bring His light to it...allow me to see, think and say what will bring Him Glory.

You did good, girl friend :)

Post a Comment