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Monday, September 21, 2009

Marriages

When I started blogging I really had no idea what I was doing. As time has gone on and I have read other blog articles, one in particular, said that "if we force what we write" it will not be successful, that we must write about what we are passionate about. I am passionate about Marriages and seeing them succeed. In todays society and especially in recent months I have experienced what I feel is an epedemic. Adultery. I wrote a post on a this subject 6 months ago and not in the light that you might suspect. I wanted to repost this, and since that post (which spurred me to write it) I have seen some of these particular couples begin working on their marriages and are making it work, another couple has completely separated and the person who left has had a couple of other relationships but it is their 4 children that are suffering and it will only be one day that this person wakes up and is TIRED of having these same issues over and over but first they must recognize it to want to deal with it!

Yesterday in our family meeting my husband ran across a prophetic word that was given to the two of us: It talked about the ministry we would have as a couple helping to set the captives free, being Gods vessels ~ anointed by HIM as a team to help those who have experienced the heartache that we have. God didn't give up on us or on our marriage! We humbled ourselves and we worked hard and fought for each other, for ourselves, and for our children and future generations!

It is possible to survive this epidemic



INFIDELITY
It appears to be an epidemic lately and it is affecting Christians and non-Christians alike.

What does this say about us(Christians)...what does it say about the church? and what does it say to those who are not in the church when they see this happening?

When my husband and I were in year 12 of our marriage let's just say the cracks of our life, our marriage became wider and wider and we began the journey to wholeness individually and together as husband and wife. Here is the thing...We attended Church, We knew the Word, We LOVED THE LORD but yet we are human and were walking in sin every single day but it came to a point that we knew we needed help. We had actually cried out early on in our marriage to our pastor and he looked at us after hearing our "issues" and said "on a scale of 1 - 10 you guys are about a 6 or 7 and you will be fine." WHAT?? EXCUSE ME?? There was no guidance, no true help so we continued until life became unbearable and years later, God connected us to a LifeCoach. We had no idea what we were in for... NONE but let me tell you this....She loved us, she taught us and she pointed us to God. She helped us to dig deep (I MEAN DEEP!!!) She did not call herself a counselor and we could not call her in the midst of ANY storm to settle things because that was Gods job. She said we had all of the answers within and together with the Holy Spirit and with each other all things would be revealed. It has truly been a journey and honestly what I am going to say is going to shock some and maybe even step on some toes. For that I am sorry....I asked the Lord to guide my words today and checked my motive...But this thing called infidelity is so rampant in Gods people right now that I just have to ask....WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH IT? What is missing in so many, that they CHOOSE to "look elsewhere?" I will tell you..... it's FEAR of ....Pain...Truth.... Selfishness....taking off their masks. It is rooted in their pasts, abandonment issues, fear of rejection~ some deal with this on a daily basis at home or work. Am I excusing this behavior? Absolutely NOT! Am I sharing a different perspective...Yes.

How then,can we help these people who are struggling with these issues? We Love them. We don't judge them. (not our job) We speak the truth in love to them. We walk with them daily. We point them to Jesus and we pray for them. We listen and we love. If they ask ~ we can help them to be accountable. When they are humble, broken and willing & looking within they will honestly tell you they knew it was wrong and I have seen it & experienced it ...This humility almost always allows God to heal their wounds and restores them to Himself. It purifies them to wholeness, sealing the cracks in their hearts & minds. He walks them through the pains of their childhood that have caused them to get to this point. He breaks off the generational curses so that they can walk as an Oak of righteousness and will no longer be bound to the sins of the father (per se.)

You know I might add "infidelity" can come in the form of work, sports, ministry, computer etc. It's not always found in the form of someone elses arms or mind.

So many times when this situation occurs, the person who has been "cheated on" gets all the support and RIGHTFULLY SO, THEY NEED IT! but here me on this one....It takes two people to get to this point. Most of the time (seriously MOST) the person who has put their attention, affection, or time elsewhere did not SET OUT to do this and needs help and support just as much as the other one. These people are crying out and don't really even have any idea how quickly things can escalate and before they know it they are caught in the middle of the biggest trap of the enemy (a trap I might add, that is not just for them but also for their children if they have them) but if they had been honest with themselves and/or their spouse on the very first thought, or look or whatever it was that took them down that wrong path things could be soo different but the world inundates them saying "it's ok" and unfortunately MOST (not all) churches don't even "go there" or if they do it's clearly just in judgement form stating the facts..."It just wrong," Not wanting to get to the root of the why's.

Reforming and Restoring is the heart of our Father and His son...Our Saviour, He also gave us the Holy Spirit who will lead us into all truth when we let Him (& not our feelings) lead and guide us. He looks at our hearts and sees the wounds and longs to heal them. He disciplines those He loves and this issue definately calls for discipline but when that person is humbled and willing & allows or embraces the Lords discipline, it brings about a true Love of the Father that otherwise would have been lost. Lost not only to them, but to future generations as well.

I know there are those that choose to stay living in this sin and the pain and scars it gives to those who are left behind to pick up the pieces and wonder daily, how or why this happened, my heart goes out to each and everyone and especially the children who clearly have no idea but are left in a situation of divorce or separation. Some suffer with living then in a home of bittness, unforgiveness and pain & IF the person doesn't know the Lord or can't find that place of forgiveness, it is even worse. I was a child of this epidemic called infidelity and know the devastation and the havoc that it causes. I grew up and did the same thing, but because of Gods grace and the hard work that He so graciously allowed me to do, the strength and love He has provided me with has given me a compassion for all involved.


13 comments:

Proverbs 27:19

Loren, this subject has the potential to be misunderstood too many times. We act as if we are afraid to talk about it, and if we do, it is sometimes assumed that it's a personal struggle.

We need to talk about this a whole lot more, because so many are struggling or has struggled with it that in both situations the parties involved feel alone. They are ashamed to admit to it. They fear the condemnation that may come about or situations similar to you and your husband's meeting; the matter is downplayed and there is no guidance.

You and your husband go ahead and do all that you are led to do with this, it's much needed!

smooches,
Larie

RCUBEs

Sister Loren, this is a very timely post and I'm glad the Lord sustains you with the courage to blog about this sensitive issue. Sensitive but many couples are affected nowadays and divorce seems to be always the way out when they make decisions, instead of facing the obstacle and work it out as a couple.

I'm joining a precious sister [Bren @ http://seekinggraceonthenarrowpath.blogspot.com] to do the "The Love Dare", inspired by the movie "Fireproof" if you heard about the "dare". It helps if couples had seen the movie first. This is a 40 day journey and I am truly excited to do this with my hubby to fan our love for the Lord more as a couple and between each other. I always pray for the Holy Spirit to fill us because I know that it's only through His fruits that we are able to have more discernment to stay away from what will hurt our relationship. Even if there is nothing wrong with my hubby and I, I'm sure we will discover areas that we had not tended to in a while. Please pray that we will finish this journey....along with Him. Blessings to you sister and I'm truly touched by this heartfelt post. Love you.

Jennifer

You are so right, God doesn't give up on us or our marriages!! I think it is so great that you are helping others like this! I *LOVE* that you are passionate about marriage and can't wait to hear more from you!

Love ya,
Jennifer

Heart2Heart

Loren,

WOW What a great ministry for you both to get involved in. How wonderful it will be when you help both couples save their marriages.

Steve and I were discussing this last night, about how many times people think the grass really is greener yet often times it is the attention someone else provides that lures them away. We decided to take a hard look at our lives and are working on closing any gaps that might cause the enemy to creep in. We are working on enjoying one anothers company, to always take time out to listen, for me to respect Steve and for him to show unconditional love for me and our family.

Can't wait to see what else you decide to post on.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Barbie

Loren, I so appreciate your heart in this matter. It is more common than we can ever think of know. Although I have never experienced this myself, I was close. I got emotionally attached to a staff member several years back because I didn't believe my husband was filling my needs. Thankfully, God did not allow this soul tie to continue and know I rely solely on God to meet my every need. He is so good!!! He restores and forgives and is so very faithful.

Charlotte

This post is right on. We have seen this problem so much in our years of ministry. I'm so glad you and your husband are going to be helping those who need your counsel.
Hugs & Blessings,
Charlotte

Saleslady371

Thank you, Loren, for taking the time to write about this. You and your hubby will minister to so many people with your love and compassion. I heard a teaching recently about the lure of pornography. The need is intimacy. May the Holy Spirit guide such seekers to the Lord and may the devil be defeated.

Under the Florida Sun

Wow, what an amazing and beautiful post! Your honesty and obedience to Gods calling will be blessed tremendously!

Blessings to you my friend!

COUNTRY MOM

Loren, I know you have helped many with all your posts. Thank You for sharing. Thank You also for checking on me. Many Blessings my friend,

SmilingSally

Thank you for stepping out on this topic; it's a tough one to write (or read).

Heart2Heart

Loren,

Please stop by my blog today for your blessing from God.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Girly Muse

Loren,

Thank you SO much for being willing to talk about this openly. It takes guts and grace and mercy...thank you for having all of that. God is going to use you and your husband in a huge way...already is, but I suspect this is just the beginning. You're going to help a lot of people.

Love you. Thank you. Can't say it enough.

christy rose

Loren, The wisdom that flows from this post is amazing. The mercy, grace and love that God extends toward and through us can change many people's lives. The enemy longs to destroy our families. BUT GOD! So rich is He in His love and mercy, could not sit by and allow His family to be broken up and destroyed. Jesus is our answer in every issue of our lives. I think it is wonderful that you are going forward in God's plan to help save so many people's marriages through exempliflying the great love plan of God concerning His marriage covenant to us, His Bride, and the marriage covenant the we take part in with a man and a woman. It gives me great peace to know that in the end, God Wins!

Thanks for being so courageous and posting on such a sensitive subject. I love reading your heart.
Christy

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