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Friday, June 26, 2009

A note from my DAD

My dad wrote another note that I want to share with all of you! Again, I cannot thank each of you enough for your love, kind words of encouragement and your prayers! God has brought all of you here and uses you each day and I cherish you all and Praise Him for bringing us together in this bloggy world!

Thankyou all for coming in agreement with me for healing in my Dads body by the Great Physician, who still performs miracle day after day!

A note from my dad...Doug

The Blame Game
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Today at 7:53pm
It looks like Friday night provides me time to reflect on my week and to add my comments to my blog. It’s Friday, so here I am again.

This week didn’t appear to start very well – or maybe it did. It’s all a matter of perception and perception is everything.

Here’s what happened:

On Monday, I had my first consultation with my oncologist and it went very well. She explained where we were and described the radiation and chemotherapy treatment plans. She planned for both to start late this week. Prior to starting the radiation and chemotherapy treatments, she wanted to run a brain scan. As she explained it, the brain scan was standard operating procedure. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perception), the brain scan revealed three small cancerous growths in my brain. That bit of news changed the whole treatment plan and the scope of my disease.

I was upset when I heard the news. I told Barbie that I wished we could catch a break – it seemed like every time we thought we were going to make progress we had a setback. Just when we thought we were finally going to begin to treat the problem, we were dealing with another issue.

After I had a chance to think about the news, I was grateful that the doctor ordered the brain scan and that they found the three spots. If they hadn’t discovered them when they did, things would have deteriorated rapidly. As it is, the three spots are very small and I am hopeful that the forthcoming radiation treatments will deal with them quickly.

So, top priority in my new treatment plan is using radiation to kill the growths in my brain. I had my first radiation treatment on my brain yesterday and the second today. The radiologist scheduled two weeks of treatments to kill the three growths. I will go Monday through Friday and be off on the weekends. Then I have to wait another week or two weeks before they will begin treating the growth in my chest. I am very concerned about waiting four more weeks before treating my chest because my cough is getting worse and I’m not sure how I can make it that long.

As I said, my perception about the discovery of the small growths in my brain changed. At first, I was unhappy that they found them. It was disturbing because it meant the cancer had spread; that the cancer was in my blood stream and could spread anywhere; and, that the stage changed from IIIA to IV. None of this was good news. Then, I finally realized what would have happened if they hadn’t found the new growths. If they hadn’t found them, within a couple of months the growths would have taken over my brain and the results would have been fatal. Given that alternative, finding the growths was the best thing that could have happened.

I spent some time this week thinking about what caused this or more to the point, was there anyone to blame for this. I have to tell you that I know this was a big waste of time. Truth is, it doesn’t matter who or what caused it – it just is and that’s that.

But, play along for a minute. In the past, when I played the “Blame Game”, I almost immediately went directly to four targets: My parents, those around me (i.e., family, friends, etc.), God, and me.

In the past, I blamed my parents for a lot of things. In their defense, they did the best they could. “Did the best they could” isn’t meant to be critical. As a parent, I was very much like them; but today I know I could have been different and, as a result, I know they could have been different too. Looking back, I think they were too rough on my brother and me, but I really believe they had our best interests at heart. To their credit, they instilled in us a sense of honesty and fairness, a strong work ethic, compassion, persistence and many other fine qualities.

My mother is the only one of my parents still living and there is no way she can be blamed for this.

Same thing for my family and friends! None of them caused this or have given it to me. Besides, when I see everyone who is praying for me and all of the support I am receiving, I cannot find one person to blame.

Of course, I can blame me. I’ve done that enough with other things – but the truth is that I did a lot of things to avoid this disease. I stopped drinking 31 ½ years ago and I stopped smoking 31 years ago. I lived a pretty clean life and wasn’t around asbestos or chemicals – two of the three things the doctors point out are causes for lung cancer. So, honestly, I have trouble hanging this one on me too.

Personally, I think God gets a bad rap for a lot of things and doesn’t deserve it. In fact, yesterday, I heard a man on television discuss his father’s murder. He wondered what God was trying to teach him, his family, and friends. He was willing to wait and see what the lessons are. I simply don’t believe that is the way God works. I cannot accept that God had the father murdered to teach his son or anyone anything. I believe that a man caused the murder and God gets to help clean up the mess. God will help the son and family find peace; He will work with the community to repair the pain and fix the hurt; and He will do numerous other Loving Acts – many that will not be noticed.

Using my own situation, I don’t think God gave me this disease to punish me or to teach me a lesson. I have already learned a lot from having this disease and I’m sure I will learn more, but I don’t believe God gave me this cancer for that reason – in fact, I don’t believe God gave me this at all.

I believe that God will help my family, friends, and me through this. He will provide the Strength, Hope, and Love we all need. I do not know the outcome of this, but I strongly believe that God is working for the best outcome for all. I believe God wants me to be healthy and whole.

You want to know what I really believe. I believe no one is to blame for this. I believe this cancer grew on its own and it is in my chest and has spread to my brain. I would love to be rid of it but I cannot blame God, my mother, my family, my friends, or myself for this. The cancer started because it found a place to grow and so far it likes where it’s at. I wish it didn’t like me so much, but so far it’s been pretty happy – at least happy enough to branch out. I’m really hoping all of the prayers and the upcoming treatments show it that I’m not a willing host and it decides to move on. I don’t need it or want it anymore. Let it go somewhere else.



8 comments:

RCUBEs

I work Fri and Sat nights and I wasn't able to take a nap, so I'm glad I got online and saw your update. Most especially, it was a note from your dearest dad. His note was so touching. He had written good points here to be pondered on, and be used to examine my own hearts and beliefs. Your dad reminds me of my own dad. My dad could be stubborn but inside him was that soft, loving heart. Facing his own battle against cancer, he laid on his bed cheering every one who came in to visit him. The people came crying and when they left his room, they were still crying, not of sadness but of happiness as my father shared jokes and "joy" that comes from the Lord.
Your dad is a great inspiration as he battles this ugly disease. And tell him, it's right! No one can be blamed, not even him,not even God or others! He's right about a lot of people who are there pulling for him through our prayers. And the best one of all is that of God's promise that "He will always be with us up to the end of the age." [Matthew 28:20].
Have a great weekend sister and glory to God Who brings us altogether, to encourage each other through the good and bad times. Your dad is an awesome writer, too. Is it the trait he passed on to you? :) Love you in Christ.

pileofsmiles

How precious it is to have this special journal that your dad is writing. I enjoyed his thoughts and thank you for sharing them with us! I hope and pray that each day gets easier for him.

The Real Me!

WOW! What a completely transparent and heartfelt note from your Dad. It almost brought me to tears! He sounds like he is going to stay strong and have a good attitude which is key!
Still praying my friend.
Hugs.
Kim

Andrea

Isnt it amazing how GOD can change our perception of what we think is bad or how we interpret seemingly bad news. We are able to become thanful for otherwise grim news as we look through our Heavenly Father's eyes and not our own. I am thankful your dad is seeing through the Lord's eyes....
Continuing to pray, andrea

Jennifer

Wow Loren, your dad sounds so strong! What an amazing way he is putting his experience into words! Through his words, he sounds like he has a great, positive attitude... that is good! Thank God for those little things that come along the way of this journey to complete health!!
Love & prayers, Jennifer

Karen

I believe writing is great therapy. I pray for his healing and for peace of mind.

Silver

Your dad's writings show his innate strenght. There are still so much hope and fighting spirit in it..

~Silver
Reflections

Girly Muse

I love hearing what your dad has to say. His positivity is so inspiring. And he's so right~ the blame game never works.
Thanks for sharing him with us.

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