Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Who is leading your home?

Who is the head of your household SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING?

At the encouragement of my dear friend Kat I am going to share and ask you women and men in this blogworld about the position of Head of the Household and who leads it in your home.

Of course I have to share who leads in my home, that is only fair right?! My answer ~ My husband.

But for years that was definately NOT THE CASE! Not only did he not lead but guess who was the one who kept him from taking his rightful place? ....ME! Why you ask?

because I NAGGED him
because I put myself in his place
because I didn't trust him to do it the right way
because I judged his walk with the Lord and because I didn't see what I thought was enough prayer, or reading the Word ENOUGH then he surely couldn't be doing all he should to be the godly man that I needed him to be or the Spiritual Head of the household that our family needed him to be ~ so by golly someone had to do it......

you know what all of this equaled?

ME not trusting God and not allowing God to do what HE WANTED to do. I was Fearful. I was WRONG. PLUS, so many other things that the Lord had to show me and discipline me for but in it ~ HE showed both of us the way. He showed us how VERY much He loves us and how to grow in intimacy not only with HIM, but with each other.

First of all I want to share that as close as your husband is to you is as close as he is to God. If your marriage is struggling in communication there is a high chance that your husband is not communicating with the LORD. pretty much 100% chance.
They can never be close to HIM and not to us ...why? Because the LORD would never allow it. Think about that for a minute.

Secondly, I learned that the more I nagged my husband about his prayer life or his time spent reading the Word the further away he would go. One day, I was posed with the question "Why does that bother you Loren?" "Well, because I am afraid if he isn't spending time with the Lord then, well, you know"...."OK why are you scared?" "and if you were really honest wouldn't it be true that you aren't trusting the LORD to do HIS job in and through Brian and truly you are putting your faith in Brian and not in the LORD?" OH SNAP I was busted! Honestly I was putting my faith in myself and judging that because I was attending Bible Study & I was in the Word then I had to be the one to lead us. Has anyone been there? It is truly a sad place to be and it leads to disaster! It brings so much strife into your house and trust me ~ everyone feels it ~ especially the kids!!

I went to a conference one year and afterward this precious man who taught came up to me and we were talking. I remember sharing my concern about my husband and he looked at me and said "You don't strike me as a woman who is conniving or manipulative but your issue here is FEAR. You have got to STOP putting yourself on that Cross ~ stop being a human HOLY SPIRIT ~ LAY HIM DOWN AND TRUST THE LORD. He encouraged me that every time I picked up my DH and carried him (emotionally or spiritually) that I needed to stop, repent and pray FOR BRIAN!!! Ok many times I laid him back down but as time went on I actually started to recognize WHEN I would do this and I would stop, pray, lay him down and guess what..... I changed and not only that but so did my DH :)

I had to first repent to the LORD. I had to then repent to my husband for taking the place of Spiritual Head of our family and TRUST even when I didn't see anything, I mean anything. Brian is and will forever be the Spiritual Head of our family.

There are times when I would get upset because of something I wasn't see him do that I thought he should be doing and I learned that at those moments when I was upset it was the HOLY SPIRIT prompting me and showing me something about me. I may have a judgement against someone or I may have a fear in regards to something. Again, this was the LORD speaking to me ~ teaching me ~ helping me to forgive someone or to put my trust in HIM more and more!

Let me just encourage you, if you can relate to anything that I have shared and if you are leading your family spiritually, girls ~ it is NOT our place ~ it is not our job! Our men have everything in them to lead us and God will guide them and they WILL be all you ever dreamed them to be but our job is to love them, to pray for them and to lift them up and trust them and God, no matter what we see or don't see. Share your heart with your husband but make sure you come to them "in love" not in accusation. Share your heart with the LORD ~ HE knows it already but desires for you to share with HIM. Dialogue with HIM, HE will speak back to you and LONGS TOO!! The LORD will honor this and when your husband sees that you honestly are supporting and believing that HE can and will lead ....OH MY, it will bring you to a whole new level of love with the LORD and with your husband! I PROMISE!

It is a journey, it will take you places, but the destination is AMAZING ....



Warren Baldwin

This is a powerful post. There is so much to comment on here! I applaud you for being spiritual sensitive and concerned so you could be open to the teaching of the man at that conference.

Then, I applaud your honesty to look at your life, see whatever might be amiss, and make application of what you learned. You have taught a wonderful spiritual lesson in this post, besides the specific topic here you were addressing.

A lot of meat here to chew on. Thanks.


WOW Loren, that you for posting this. I think sometimes I am afraid to give up control over certain things to my husband because I think I can do it better. But for me, it is all part of this journey of "laying down and letting go" that the Lord is taking me on. Ultimately, it boils down to my lack of trust in the Lord. I will be praying and asking God to show me specific areas that I need to give back over to my husband. You are a blessing!


WOW...this was an important message that needs to be spread! I am a control freak, so def. stepped on my toes a bit, but want to thank you for the gentle, but powerful reminder.

Peace and love~

The Real Me!

I am very blessed to have a husband who is a strong spiritual leader and very easy to submit to. I takes his position as head of our home VERY seriously and I am so honored to be his wife. My Mom told him before we were married that it would take a strong man to tame me! Let's just say he broke the wild stallion. LOL. He's the best!
This post was wonderful and encouraging my friend. Great job!


This is timely sister Loren as I believe with the rise of "women's lib", the enemy can use this movement as a tactic to throw away the husbands in becoming the leader of their households. If we apply the Biblical principle, we know what corresponds to the union of Christ and the church and being a husband and wife. Yet, there is balance, as we are reminded to respect and love each other, the way Christ loves His bride.
Like you, I used to remind my husband to pray more, read the Bible more, lead our family to more church fellowship...Until I realized, I was making him get turned off more. I started praying about this and stopped telling him do this or do that. By God's grace, the Spirit intervened and my husband was even aware of his own change [it was much later I told him that I just started praying not nagging.] I'm so thankful to the Lord. I forgot, it's not me who can change him but only Him can change someone's heart. Great post sister Loren. Love to you sister. Have a great day!



Such a blessing my sister! You hit that proverbial nail on the head with this post! Too often as you stated, we think we can do a better job and do you know what? We don't! We struggle and complain and nag our hubby even more but nothing changes. Why would it? God isn't going to honor our behavior and we certainly aren't honoring our husbands through our words and actions.

You blessed me so much last night and you are definitely mean more to me than a friend. I felt and know I was talking to my sister last night. You have so much wisdom to share for so many of us hurting and crying out in our marriages right now.

Thank you for all you have done by posting this! One of your best yet!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat


I'm sure this will shock you that this has been a struggle for me !! :)

But I have often been reminded that JUST BECAUSE I don't think Rick is reading the Word or having conversations with God or praying, doesn't mean it's not happening! I mean, really, how much time in the day do I spend with him (Rick, that is)?

It is incredibly difficult to step back and allow Rick to lead us, especially when my personality thinks that my way is the only way. But, I am wise to know, and reminded constantly by God, that Rick's way is the way we should follow. And, even if it's not perfect, God is growing him daily! If I step in and try to take control, then God's perfect will cannot be done. And from experience, Nicole's will is not perfect.

Love you!


Awesome post. My hubby is definitely the head of our home. He makes it easy for me to give up control. However, I still struggle. Despite the fact that he is a loving, caring, and godly leader, I still stumble and want to control. Once again, I am a work in progress and must continue to work diligently to be the person GOD created me to be.
Blessings, andrea

PS: urgent prayer request on arise 2 write.

He & Me + 3


You don't know how much I needed to read this today or this month. We have been discussing this same thing around here. He did not grow up in the church like I did so being more knowledgeable I think makes him feel like i should take the lead. Not so...I need him to be the spiritual leader. Thanks for posting this.

Proverbs 27:19

Loren, did you really have to chastise me in public for this? :)

Really, it took me a while to get in my place and leave Anton's alone. I kept using the excuse, "But we've lived this way for so long that it's what I am accustomed to." Ha, silly girl...



Amazing post Lauren! I can so relate and have walked this road myself. You are so right, I too have learned that if we are not trusting our husbands as head, then we are not really trusting God, and it does not matter where we think they are spiritually.

Awesome, Loren, very good!

Girly Muse

What an amazing post, Loren! So much to think about..

I naively thought I was "sort of the leader" in our home when we got married. I don't know why I ever thought it or why I thought that was okay to go into a marriage that way, but I am thankful to say that I have been happily wrong. My husband is definitely the spiritual leader and makes me want to be better in every way.

It is tricky sometimes to give up control. :) I have to lay it back down again and again. But so much better when I do...

Thanks for this post! Love you!


How Blessed can a guy be to have a wife like you!
Just let me say that the Lord speaks to us all the time, not just when we are reading His word or praying or doing our good deeds at church or wherever. But it is up to us to listen and then respond. After all He wants dialog not a monolog. We all communicate differently as people and He understands it all. Sometimes we think He is not hearing but only because we are not listening with the ears he gave us to hear with. We seem to put on those ears of "hey that wasn't GOD because thats not what I was expecting". Please dont get me wrong prayer and spending time with HIM and reading His word is of utmost importance but if we are in Him then he is in us. And guess what? If thats the case He is in our wifes and children and everything we do. Please be patient and pray for your leader!

I Love You
Your DH se ya soon<3


i love my daddy.

Greg C

Wow what a powerful confession. I know for a lot of women (my wife included) it is hard to give up control. The women's lib movement of the last generation left a lot of women thinking that in order to be someone you have to be in control. That is so false. Having been in a position of leadership in the workplace I can tell you that support for a leader is just as important as the leadership itself. My wife's biggest fault though is with time. She has a tendency to want things to be on her time schedule. As she gets older though she is realizing that God has his own time schedule and all the pushing in the world won't change that. Great post.

christy rose

Wow! Loren! What an open and honest post! I can guarantee that you have touched many people and opened many eyes to truth with this post. I have been in this same place in my life before too. I feel like I could have written this post myself. And, like you, I have come to a place in my relationship with God where I am able to trust Him to lead our family through my husband. And believe me, my husband is a much happier man today and has a much happier wife. There is so much more peace and acceptance abiding in our family too. Thanks for sharing this, it really touched my heart.
Love, Christy

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