Wednesday, April 29, 2009


It appears to be an epidemic lately and it is affecting Christians and non-Christians alike.

What does this say about us(Christians)...what does it say about the church? and what does it say to those who are not in the church when they see this happening?

When my husband and I were in year 12 of our marriage let's just say the cracks of our life, our marriage became wider and wider and we began the journey to wholeness individually and together as husband and wife. Here is the thing...We attended Church, We knew the Word, We LOVED THE LORD but yet we are human and were walking in sin every single day but it came to a point that we knew we needed help. We had actually cried out early on in our marriage to our pastor and he looked at us after hearing our "issues" and said "on a scale of 1 - 10 you guys are about a 6 or 7 and you will be fine." WHAT?? EXCUSE ME?? There was no guidance, no true help so we continued until life became unbearable and years later, God connected us to a LifeCoach. We had no idea what we were in for... NONE but let me tell you this....She loved us, she taught us and she pointed us to God. She helped us to dig deep (I MEAN DEEP!!!) She did not call herself a counselor and we could not call her in the midst of ANY storm to settle things because that was Gods job. She said we had all of the answers within and together with the Holy Spirit and with each other all things would be revealed. It has truly been a journey and honestly what I am going to say is going to shock some and maybe even step on some toes. For that I am sorry....I asked the Lord to guide my words today and checked my motive...But this thing called infidelity is so rampant in Gods people right now that I just have to ask....WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH IT? What is missing in so many, that they CHOOSE to "look elsewhere?" I will tell you..... it's FEAR of ....Pain...Truth.... Selfishness....taking off their masks. It is rooted in their pasts, abandonment issues, fear of rejection~ some deal with this on a daily basis at home or work. Am I excusing this behavior? Absolutely NOT! Am I sharing a different perspective...Yes.

How then,can we help these people who are struggling with these issues? We Love them. We don't judge them. (not our job) We speak the truth in love to them. We walk with them daily. We point them to Jesus and we pray for them. We listen and we love. If they ask ~ we can help them to be accountable. When they are humble, broken and willing & looking within they will honestly tell you they knew it was wrong and I have seen it & experienced it ...This humility almost always allows God to heal their wounds and restores them to Himself. It purifies them to wholeness, sealing the cracks in their hearts & minds. He walks them through the pains of their childhood that have caused them to get to this point. He breaks off the generational curses so that they can walk as an Oak of righteousness and will no longer be bound to the sins of the father (per se.)

You know I might add "infidelity" can come in the form of work, sports, ministry,
computer etc. It's not always found in the form of someone elses arms or mind.

So many times when this situation occurs, the person who has been "cheated on" gets all the support and RIGHTFULLY SO, THEY NEED IT! but here me on this one....It takes two people to get to this point. Most of the time (seriously MOST) the person who has put their attention, affection, or time elsewhere did not SET OUT to do this and needs help and support just as much as the other one. These people are crying out and don't really even have any idea how quickly things can escalate and before they know it they are caught in the middle of the biggest trap of the enemy (a trap I might add, that is not just for them but also for their children if they have them)but if they had been honest with themselves and/or their spouse on the very first thought, or look or whatever it was that took them down that wrong path things could be soo different but the world inundates them saying "it's ok" and unfortunately MOST (not all) churches don't even "go there" or if they do it's clearly just in judgement form stating the facts..."It just wrong," Not wanting to get to the root of the why's.

Reforming and Restoring is the heart of our Father and His son...Our Saviour, He also gave us the Holy Spirit who will lead us into all truth when we let Him (& not our feelings) lead and guide us. He looks at our hearts and sees the wounds and longs to heal them. He disciplines those He loves and this issue definately calls for discipline but when that person is humbled and willing & allows or embraces the Lords discipline, it brings about a true Love of the Father that otherwise would have been lost. Lost not only to them, but to future generations as well.

I know there are those that choose to stay living in this sin and the pain and scars it gives to those who are left behind to pick up the pieces and wonder daily, how or why this happened, my heart goes out to each and everyone and especially the children who clearly have no idea but are left in a situation of divorce or separation. Some suffer with living then in a home of bittness, unforgiveness and pain & IF the person doesn't know the Lord or can't find that place of forgiveness, it is even worse. I was a child of this epidemic called infidelity and know the devastation and the havoc that it causes. I grew up and did the same thing, but because of Gods grace and the hard work that He so graciously allowed me to do, the strength and love He has provided me with has given me a compassion for all involved



What else can we do? Make him KNOW you will never leave him no matter what .. show him a living breathing example of unconditional love that he cannot deny nor walk away from. Show him his love, his way. Just love him ..

Warren Baldwin

Wow, what a powerful post. You have a great heart for both parties - the one who acted out and the one who didn't. But you are right, in many or most cases even the one who didn't act out was a contributor somehow. Sometimes it is by withholding attention and affection.

If you don't already have it, you would enjoy the book, "False Intimacy." It is about trying to find intimacy and connection through porn, affairs, etc. The only way to find true intimacy is at home. The author also discusses fear of vulnerability and other emotional issues involved in stepping out.

Again, good post, and thanks for visiting Family Fountaion.

Sarah Mae

Tough stuff sister! Way to tackle it!

Post a Comment